Protect..

Had a bad start since morning, I was early, bus was late. Everyone is good, my manager is still controlling. I check out my phone, I see no message from the person I was hoping to hear from, but instead a bunny friend of mine sharing her problem. I decided not to share mine and try to look into hers instead.
I hope things will be fine for her although I am a little worried for her. We are kind of in the same frequency towards the issue, so i think she gets me.

About my own problem, it is still lingering...I am as irritating as I have always been when chilling with my colleagues. But deep inside, my heart is on its knee, begging for mercy not to be broken. I put up a good act with a little programming on the mind to keep myself distracted. But whenever I am alone, I kept thinking and worrying. It's not like what she might think it is, but it is a natural instinct or it is just natural.

When it is time to go home, my colleague was afraid to go home because she didn't know how to get home from the new location and she started to panic. It is funny if you think about it but yea, I wanted to help her out and told her to wait but she was in a hurry. So yea. I ended up walking to the green line mrt with another colleague. She's young and quite a poor thing when she thinks of her own attire and maturity level. I have got to say it's fine. It's just that she is still not able to adapt to her new environment of colleagues. We use to work together and our definition of fun is basic talk about random stuffs...well, for me is basically be my crazy self, irritate them and still see them smile. I love the smiles on the face of my closer colleagues. It makes me smile too.
And so as we are on the train, my colleague sat and fell asleep. I was standing, typical nice guy(self-proclaim lol) protecting his fellow female friend...well, maybe not friend but colleague. I somehow feel like her brother - protecting the young ones without them knowing.
And as I was standing there quietly, I started to think about my sadness again. Every now and then I keep looking at my phone hoping for a reply but every time when I did, I felt more and more like shit.

I am having quite a hard time catching my breathe as I write. My energy to type is getting lower; the energy is being use to hold myself up from the sadness. Same feeling as when I was in the train... but whenever I saw my colleague got awaken from her nap I smile at her n she smile back. And on my stop, I just say "bye see you tml".

Now here I am...still confuse and weary of the situation. Definitely tired of this sadness. When I saw her instagram, I feel really down...