The ending

Disclaimer: Bad English is everywhere. Watch your step.

Been broken a couple of times, some came to me and keep showing interests in me and by the time I fell for them, they avoided me. They  usually left and then became mean to me whenever I try to talk to them, no matter how sad I am - still treated mean. They told me how not ready they were, how irritating I was for being too caring, how boring I was for them, how clingy I was for msging them every day, how unsuitable I was to them. It's always about them. Nothing about me. Who cares about my feelings right? Nobody (exception case would be my close friend n mom). I have no pool of friends anyway.

I am ranting just to say that I have no motives of trying to change things. No one cares about my feelings anyway. Let alone you.

So today I was late at work. Was quite irritating by the bus, all of them came at the same timing and I was running for it altho my ankle is giving way. The bus almost did not stop. The driver pretended not to see me.. then he finally open the door. I enter, I overslept this morning basically. Too tired.
Luckily for me, not many ppl saw me walking in office late. Had half day..

I was in the train to driving centre. I was thinking of whether to send her the video or not. The video was created last nightt. After thinking for some time, I thought of sending it tonight. Then suddenly, got a sms from her. Was smiling till I read the content.

I decided to alight from the train and look for some place to sit...and I saw coffee bean.

Bought a drink and sat. Thinking what I should respond...the first thing that came to mind was the video. And so I sent her the video first while I took my time to sound calm. After sending the msg, I took the train again and continue my journey to the driving centre..waiting.

And waited. Till it was almost time for my driving call. I send out another msg. And expected return.

My instructor scolded me several times for bad performance. I am pretty sure it is not due to this news but my own wrong judgement. But you never know. After the practical was over, he walk off looking pissed without saying a word. Oh well.

And I checked my phone. Still no msg. As I made my way to the mrt, I keep thinking of what should i do and think of stuffs to tell her. I decided to do the last resort and that is to call her. She her tone sounded almost the same as other heart breakers of mine, just that she sounded slightly nicer. We had a talk...I want to keep in touch with her, she said she is not looking for anyone. Of course I m not happy with that, if so why didn't she told me from the start - the first night. But yea, who cares abt my feelings.

I may not like the answer that i received.
But I just want to let you know.
I am not a jerk.
I am sort of donating this story to you.
To let you know the other side of the story.
A story of a guy who wants to smile,
who tried to change,
who tried to be a better person,
who is not a linguist,
whom many thought is dead,
...is not getting what he wants.
not getting the care that he needs,
....and he found someone
whom made him blog again...
whom has made him feel the same strong
feeling of 'love' as when he had his first crush..
...is just expecting the least is having you as a friend.
I am not perfect
One of my flaws is being a boring person to talk to (no music, movie preference)
One of my flaws is that I naturally have that awkward thing whenever I like somebody
It is natural, but not many will understand - you didn't
You said you have problems,
If you need a listening ear,
Do share it with me.

I was planning to invite you to my last beatbox class..the instructor told me to. But looking at the situation, I guess I shall just cancel the plan.

With that, I shall leave you to read my blog. You should read from my oldest post first. The story is in a better sequence. This blog will be demolished anytime

Even though I have no motive to have things change for me, I do welcome them.